My mom and her boyf...husband picked this, the one weekend I have been home all semester, to do a crapload of work to the house. It is literally full of workers in every single room, the bathroom door is being painted so I can't go in there to shower and get dressed and get on with my day, I had to wake up at 7:30 because they had to paint the door to the room which I am staying in, which is the guest room because they've already done away with my bedroom and changed it into a room for when his grandkids sleep over. Worst thanksgiving break ever. They are no where to be found, I'm pretty sure they just left the house with me here, in my pajamas, sitting in my bed sore and bored to tears for the past 5 hours. My head is going to explode if I don't get out of here soon. And I have to pretend I'm okay with all of this so I don't seem like a selfish jerk. Whateverrrr.
something seemingly important that I will never actually say to you but write vaguely about here for you and the rest of the world to see and then repeat this process several times a week until you lose your mind wondering and worrying about every little thing.
Have a performance at JU on friday w/ choir and I'm making a mix for the car ride
Back in the day when I was thinking up mixes I put them down here as I thought of each song so I wouldn't forget. I don't have the cd yet so I'll just use this as a place holder.
1. Dredg - Quotes 2. The Dear Hunter - Smiling Swine (EP blues version) 3. Metallica - Whiskey In the Jar 4. Pepper - Give it Up 5. Silversun Pickups - There's no Secrets This Year 6. Manchester Orchestra - The Only One 7. Boston - More than a Feeling 8. Every time I Die - Bored Stiff 9. All time Low - Umbrella 10. Rush - Temples of Syrinx 11. Toadies - Backslider 12. Sublime - Get Ready 13. Kings of Leon - Closer 14. Foreigner - Hot Blooded 15. Kansas - Dust in the Wind 16. Journey - Lights 17. Clutch - Careful with that Mic 18. Styx - Come Sail Away
I was cleaning out my room today to be better prepared for my move next friday and a ton of CDs have been on my desk collecting dust for the longest time. I'm only holding on to the ones that are really incredible and dear to me, the rest I have no use fo and theyre not worth any monetary value, so whoever wants them, first dibs. Everything is in original case w/ booklet, some of it's banged up, but hey it's free.
AFI: Very Proud of Ya, Black Sails in the Sunset, Shut your Mouth and Open Your Eyes Bad Religion: The Process of Belief, Generator Steely Dan: Can't Buy a Thrill Nirvana: Nevermind Billy Joel: Greatest Hits VOl II (Its a 2 disc set with 1 and 2 but 1 is MIA hah sorry) Moby: Play Matisyahu: Youth Chevelle: Point #1 (ALbum before wonder what's next, before they were big, worth a listen) Opeth: My Arms, Your Hearse Breaking Benjamin: Saturate The Killers: Hot Fuss Limited Edition Authority Zero - Andiamo Primus: Sailing the Seas of Cheese Tiger Army: Self-titled Chiodos: All's Well that Ends Well (When I get the disc out of Kimberley's car pshhh)
If you even kind of want some of them, please take them off my hands, you're doing me a favor and I'd rather not toss them out. :)
So as I'm sure I've mentioned, I got into the UNF school of music back when I auditioned.
That's all well and good, but I've been waiting since december to hear back from the admissions department of the school itself as to whether or not I get in and getting all stressed about it. Basically more and more as time goes on. And I finally learned from Claire that she found out that they were sending stuff out next week.
Anyways I got home today and I was already home nad my mom was like did you see this?! and she handed me a letter from UNF and I was like oh finally. So I'm like shaking nervous opening the damn thing, and then I open I pull out two slips of paper and start skimming it over all fast and frantic, you know like on TV when people get acceptance letters blah blah blah. Anyway, the first thing I see is "We are pleased to inform you" and so I said that to my mom all excited and kept reading and she picked up the other paper and started reading.
So i went on reading to find out it was just telling me I was accepted into the school of music. Something I've known already for almost two months now. And then it asks me if I plan on attending in the fall, and to sign and send it back if I do. This is information that I supplied on the application that I filled out and sent in with a fee on December 15th.
So you can imagine my frustration. Auditions for the fall are OVER with and I have not gotten in anywhere else, so everything pretty much rides on this. Which is of course why I'm so stressed. If I don't get in my parents are going to murder me and then I will be dead. WHich I guess is better then trying to figure out what I'm going to do for the next year. I can't live at home anymore.
ANyways I emailed them asking what the deal is and when I should know for sure, so hopefully soon this will be off my shoulders. Blahhhh. Claire said she's getting the same exact deal, and she called and can't get through, so at least i'm not alone in this boat.
Otherwise things are going great. Particularly with Kimberley. It is easily the best relationship I've ever been in. Not that there's been many, of course, but honestly this is just far different than anything else. It's been four and a half months and it's easy for me to say that it's gotten really serious. She is really wonderful, and great for me. I've never been happier and i feel really blessed to have her in my life right now.
I want to cut my hair off. Like effing. Just shave it, really. The only thing holding me back is the fear that it would look totally retarded. Which wouldn't bother me if I didn't have a girlfriend, buuut I do. And I feel obligated to at least look decent most of the time haha.
But honestly, it's pretty much looked retarded since I got it trimmed. Like ugh. It's only slightly better than when I first got it cut, and then it was actually embarrassing for me to walk around with it. Really I'm just sick of long hair in general. It's a pain. The wind blows and it's ruined, it rains and it's ruined, I lay on it wrong and it's ruined, i don't wash it just right and it looks crappy all day.
Even if I don't buzz it I'd like it really short. Especially if I get glasses which I hopefully will soonish.
Anyways I'm acing school this semester and I can't wait to get out of here. Having to leave Kimberley behind is something I of course dread but I'm honestly not that worried about it. I really see a future with her and I don't think it will be a huge deal in the long run. Looking back it will be a pretty short amount of time, and I will of course still see her as much as possible.
her situation just really upsets me though, and I wish there was a way she could move out before she is planning to. She puts up with way too much BS at home and it really really really bothers me blah blah blah.
I have a gay performance tonight for vocal jazz playing bass. In stupid winterhaven at stupid 8pm. Lameeee. We (Just the band) haven't been paid for anything this semester and it's the worst because we always get stuck having to show up early and stay late to play extra crap and set up and pack up and it's bogus really.
Anyways I was dreading today and the essay I had to make up from being out yesterday because of another worthless performance, but that's all done and I'm sure I aced it, so I'm feeling alright.
I'm looking forward to Friday, and even more next friday. :x.
My dog died. Ugh. Or well she's going to die. Weds I was out and about with kimberley all afternoon then we went to pizza night and I didn't get home till like 11 something.
Then thursday I noticed she wasn't here and when my mom called from work I was like whereee is the dog and she was like yesterday her hind legs just gave out and I had to bring her to the vet we'll pick her up when I get off work tomorrow It's happened before, her back legs just fishtail out on the slick tile and she can't stand at all, usually I help her up and she's ok but I guess not this time.
So today right when I got in the door the phone rings and my mom is crying really hard and she said she(The dog) wasn't going to be coming home, they had to put her to sleep. Ugh. She couldnt even stay on the phone she was crying so hard, she was just like I'll see you later and hung up. Ugh I felt awful.
I have had her like my whole life. Since I was six so really as long as I can remember. LIke I know she was old and could go any time but I at least wanted to be able to say goodbye and not just have her disappear from the house. It's really depressing. Blahhhh it's just going to be really weird not having her around.
At least Kimberley is coming over todayyyy that will be niceee.
PS. It's Bob Marley's birthday. Everyone play some reggae or ska jeez.
This weekend was incredible. Jacksonville was cold.
Chorus was fun, and at orientation they announced they are now accepting undergraduate college transfers so I can transfer without getting my AA which is a huge relief because I wont have enough required classes after this semester because the requirements for a music AA are retarded, but I'll have over 60 credits and I'll have a good enough GPA to satisfy the admission requirements.
And the same day I found that out I had my audition and it went kind of poorly, I was really exhausted and a little nervous and did not play my best at all However he said I'd showed him enough to receive admission into the music department, so I was really thrilled and relieved by that.
Those two things I've been stressing about more than anyone knows lately. The weight off my shoulders now is ridiculous. I feel amazing.
I got to spend tons of time with Kimberley there too, and Friday night she fell asleep in bed with me in our room (I roomed with chase and DJ) and it was amazing. We woke up after not very long though and did not get any sleep after that at all and I was dead tired on Saturday. (Don't worry nothing happened we were just cuddling and smooching a lot of course.) Anyways things with her and I just seem to be getting better all the time, and that is fantastic.
It knows what I want way more than I do. With 5000+ ssongs I can never decide what to listen to. It's the best, and i rediscover a lot of old stuff I'd forgotten about.
Weekend was pretty uneventful. saw new Underworld with bunch of friends on Friday. I knew it was going to be retarded but it was really just to get out and have a good time and see everyone, and I succeeded in doing that so.
Saturday Kimberley came over after work like she pretty much always does now and we laid around on my couch and watched My cousin Vinny. That movie's great. Joe Pesci ist he man. It was lovely.
Today I played Fable all day and ate dinner at my grandparents. I have a bit of theory homework but it will take me two seconds. I am the best at theory. A genius, really.
Thursday is my UNF audition. Not really worried about it at all. Curious to how laid back it will/how the people giving the audition will be and react to my level of playing. Theres no other bass players at PCC and the level of musicianship there I know probably doesnt compare to a lot of the Universities, so I'm curious as to how I'll measure up.
The Receiving End of Sirens - The War of ALl Against All
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Last night and today I spent hours reading through my old journal. It was really nice, it made me feel nostalgic. Even though I said a lot of retarded things and whined about girls almost constantly I realize that's just a part of growing up and I'm really glad that I wrote it all out. I really really enjoyed reading through it all. ANyway it made me think about how I haven't really updated this at all in months and I really used to do it daily and I liked it a lot.
I don't even know who I even have on here who still uses LJ or whatever, but I'm going to try to start updating regularly again.
It got me thinking about a lot of old friends and I got pretty sad about how much I miss them too. Ahhhh. Losing touch sucks. Despite a lot of negative crap I wrote, reading it all I remembered those as some of the happiest times of my life. AHhh I miss NY a lot.
Anyways on to updating the journal again. Hmmmm. Whatttt is new. I have been dating Kimberley now for almost 3 months. It is going quite wonderfully. It's the first time I'd say I've really felt this way about someone since I was like 15-16 and I felt it for the first girl who noticed me. After that it was really desperation and lack of options I'd say. Carrying out long distance relationships was always a horrible idea on my part. But I guess it kept me happy through high school and it made life interesting. The most recent one was just a mistake on my part, I shouldn't have done it at all. I think I was just bored. I hope that doesn't seem horrible, haha. I mean I didn't plan for it to work out like it did, but that's just how it is.
I guess it's weird I've only dated two people before this. One of which I only really spent a week with even though we were together almost 3 years. What's weirder is that I'm such a pro with the ladies. I mean damn.
This is my last semester before I move out. Either to tampa or jacksonville. I'm excited as anything really. Not looking forward to being far from Kimberley at all. Seriously I'm sick of having to deal with distance. It won't be that bad though, and I really see this relationship lasting, so in the scope of things it's not so bad.
I've been rocking the balls out of Rock Band 2 drums. It's getting me in shape somewhat to. I'm on to expert and 5*ing most songs, and I love putting it on freestyle and just playing along with music on my laptop. It's the best. I'm addicted. My bass playing is good as ever I suppose. Idk. I neglect it a bit too much right now, I feel like I'm in a place where I don't know where to go next. I'm going to Jacksonville next weekend on a school trip and I have to audition for UNF while I'm there. I'm not really nervous at all. I thought I would be but when I think about what the requirements for it ar and what my abilities are and the huge gap between them it's almost funny. I mean that in the un-cockiest way, really. Really.
Idk what else. I've grown really close to my little group of friends I'd say. The Pizza night crew pretty much.(We have pizza night and hang out and watch movies and play sexbox and swim etc every weds) Chase and Dj and Claire mostly, and then Matt Collins and Jarik and Zach etc. We have great times. I love them, they mean the world to me. Lost is back on. <3. The Dear Hunter is probably my favorite band the past few months. And old REceiving End of Sirens. Casey Crescenzo sings for both (He left RES for DH) He's amazing.
Idk if there's anything else. I've written plenty I'd say. Until tomorrow. I promise it will be shorter.
Things are pretty much always the same. Really good though. I have a lot of really good friends at school and I love being around them and they make me feel amazing. I have a pretty normal routine and I'm never lonely on the weekends and every wednesday night (Tonight :D) is pizza night at zachs and we swim and play guitar hero it's the best.
And I am seeing someone new :D. It's still pretty early, our first real date was last Friday, but it's going really well and I like her a lot. It's exciting, I'm pretty much always single and alone during the winter. And it's exciting to date someone that is not 50 million miles away? Yeah, pretty great.
So I'm pretty sure I want this As my first tattoo. It won't be the first of many. I think I'll probably limit myself to like 3 and keep them small. I don't want to look like an inmate or get like sleeves done or anything, I just want a few little ones in somewhat hidden places that I can reveal and be like yeah that's totely a sexy tattoo and it will be neat and a conversation piece. The bass clef spiral is not only very cool looking, but works very well with me personally. And it's nice and simple and won't have me under the needle for hours. A big thanks to my good pal Chase for finding that one for me :D
I'm also strongly considering this lil guy really small somewhere on my body. That will be sweet when I'm like 80, especially if it's on like my ass cheek. I can show my grandkids, god forbid I should have any of those.
Lately I've been so tired I can't finish a day without literally not being able to sit up straight by late afternoon and I have to take a nap that often lasts the whole night, even though I've been getting fairly good amounts of sleep . I don't know why
I just woke up to find that there was nothing to eat, so I decided I just wanted a bowl of cereal but the milk is 2 weeks old. So much for dinner.
When in the kitchen my mom came home and told me that my grandmother has uterine cancer. I guess there's a high cure rate. I don't know. I'm going to see her after school tomorrow.
It's going to be 40 degrees tomorrow when I wake up. At 6:15 in the morning. The high is only 59.
School feels like a huge waste of my time. I feel like I'm being cheated out of theory because 40 of the 50 minutes are dedicated to 'story time' or whatever. My 'private' lessons are anything but that, and my instructor seems to see me as an afterthought in comparison with the guitar player. I sort of sit there and provide music for them. He doesn't teach me anything or give me anything to work on that will help me get into a University.
I have this constant headache that's been going on for the past 2 weeks since I was really sick a couple weekends ago, and everything seems to make me borderline nauseous . Like I'm fighting as hard as I can not to get sick again and I can't get healthy at all.
Watchin tv with emlyz she is gonna yell at me for quoting myself.
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Chemical Toilets: Lunar e-tits tonite wooo death soda: what time? death soda: ~ Chemical Toilets: My mommy says 10-11 is best time to rook death soda: o ok tnx Chemical Toilets: My mommy says you are not welcome Chemical Toilets: ...........whore. death soda: LMFALFAFM
Lunar eclipse tonight apparently!
Gonna try to run out later on and try to catch it.
I made this nifty lil album grid to spiff up my Myspace page.
It took me way too effing long. I decided on 125x125 as a decent size, and then went an found a bunch of my favorite albums by my favorite bands and got the cover images off of google, and resized them in paint. I had to resize them by percentage, so I had to figure out what percentage of 125 the original image was and do it that way. Then I uploaded all of the images seperately in paint, and put them on my myspace page one by one with the normal html picture code thing.
Then to put it all on here quickly I just took a screenshot of the page and cut out the entire grid as one image, seen here.
Seen in its original context at www.myspace.com/eliminatewhitefemales
I used the first 6 of them lined up straight for my new signature on forums.joe.to
Just something to do because I was bored and awake eh. I'm sure there's an easier way, but it kept me busy and I like how it turned out.
It looks like my life is going to get really shitty pretty soon. A lot sooner than I originally though, which really upsets me.
I don't really want to say why because I'm not sure who lurks this without me knowing, and I don't want to create sour or awkward feelings among close friends.
I don't even want to remember what it was like to be as lonely was I was before. I don't know what I'm going to do really. I need to get out of this fucking town. This fucking state.
This fucking country?
Shit tits.
I'm going to see RAMBO tonight with a couple of good friends and a few people I don't really know. That should be fun at least. Hah.
DISC ONE. 1. Alkaline Trio - 97 2. Against Me! - Reinventing Axl Rose 3. Cave-In - The World is In Your Way 4. Death from Above 1979 - Pull Out 5. Dog Fashion Disco - Sweet Insanity 6. Priestess - I am the Night, Colour me Black 7. Rustic Overtones - Smoke 8. Rishloo - Blitz 9. Tiger Army - Wander Alone 10. Thrice - Cold Cash and Colder Hearts 11. The Dillinger Escape Plan - Milk Lizard 12. Tool - Hooker with a Penis 13. Tsunami Boms - El Diablo 14. AFI - Totalimmortal 15. A Wilhelm Scream - I Wipe My Ass with Showbiz 16. Bad Religion - Generator 17. Dredg - Yatahaze 18. No Doubt - Total Hate 95 19. At The Drive-In - Napoleon Solo 20. The Sleeping - Don't Hold Back
Disc Two. 1. Trivium - Like Light to the Flies 2. Toadies- Push the Hand 3. Portugal the Man - How the Leopard Got Its Spots 4. Muse - Darkshines 5. Murder By Death - Boy Decide 6. Foxy Shazam - Ghost Animals 7. Dredg - Triangle 8. Fear Before the March of Flames - Mouth 9. Fugazi - Waiting Room 10. Alkaline Trio - Mr. Chainsaw 11. Authority Zero - Retreat 12. HORSE The Band - T.M.N.T 13. Iron Maiden - The Trooper 14. Gogol Bordello - Tribal Connection 15. Streetlight Manifesto - Point/Counterpoint 16. The Sword - Iron Swan 17. Incubus - Hilikus 18. Dropkick Murphy's - I'm Shipping up to Boston 19. Clutch - Electric Worry 20. Master SHake - Nude Love
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imnotamanateen's journal
calm
hopeful
frustrated
hungry
morose
cheerful
tired
nostalgic
really small somewhere on my body. That will be sweet when I'm like 80, especially if it's on like my ass cheek. I can show my grandkids, god forbid I should have any of those.
blah
dorky